A: The answer is B, the new Friday the 13th movie. Why? Because, unlike this cold, the new Friday the 13th will never go away.
Observe:
- Hillbillies pork mannequins and talk to them about how "tight" they are.
- Black men jack off to the LL Bean catalog.
- Asian men are sex-starved buffoons who talk to themselves in toolsheds.
- Jason has a vast underground network of tunnels in which he keeps PRISONERS.
- Jason's vast underground network of tunnels, which is located on an abandoned campground, has ELECTRICITY.
- Jason has an elaborate system of trick ropes hooked up to bells so he knows when someone is lurking on his property.
- Every girl and every boy ever born ever lives to flash tits and have sex and do drugs and die in stupid ways.
Oh, and most importantly - it's not scary. It was just an excuse to show tits, ass and gore. Now, I'm a huge Friday the 13th fan from back when the original came out. Those, though technically and intellectually challenged, at least had some scares in them - each and every one. Even the purulent Friday the 13th Part V - the New Beginning.
Michael Bay and talentless Co. - if you're going to "reboot" a franchise - one that is adored by people the world over - could you at least put a little effort into it instead of just farting out a script of foul-mouthed slutty teens who get butchered without the luxury of a storyline? I mean, "boy looks for missing sister, gets attacked by Jason" is pushing it, even for Friday the 13th.
Oh, and SPOILER ALERT -
What the fuck was up with the two "protagonists" pushing Jason's limp, dead body into the lake? Thinking humans in the 21st century wait for the police to show up so they can file reports about the dozens of corpses draped around the property. If there IS a Friday the 13th "Part 2," I hope these two boneheads get diced the fuck up in the first five minutes just to rid the planet of their stupidity. Lame...
Meanwhile, y'all, if you want to see a GOOD Friday the 13th movie, and the word GOOD is actually a translation for horrifyingly bad but fun, gross and scary - may I recommend watching Friday the 13 1 - IV? Awesome. Part VI ain't bad, either.
4 comments:
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Will you please up date your interweb logs os shame up in chuner! Shit, I have nothing to read.
You fail at life. Watch more horror movies. In fact, rewatch the entire collection of Friday the 13, because clearly you don't know shit.
idiot.
RealHorrorChickFan - Oh, so you *liked* the remake of Friday the 13th? Then clearly YOU'RE the idiot.
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