I Can't Tell You Why.

Either I'm more sensitive to my surroundings than other people, or I'm an Idiot Magnet. Or a bizarre hybrid of the two.  Whatever the case, I am turned off.

Picture it - I'm riding the Q Train this morning, minding my own business and listening to the heavenly intonations of Dr. Nina Simone, when I spot two love-struck hipsters. All of the appropriate and telling accoutrements are in place:

• Nose ring
• Artfully-draped scarf
• Weird highlights
• Irony sneakers
• Skinny jeans
• Olive drab jacket
• Sweater with holes ripped in it on purpose
• Smug, self-assured looks of entitlement
• Feathered hair on the dame, tousled hair on the gentleman

They're lost in their own little world, drinking their FUCKING Dunkin' Donuts coffee, oblivious to the fact that there are dozens of other people surrounding them. They paw each other, they hold hands, they coo... and then, the bitch does something so horrifying that a person with a lesser stomach than mine surely would have vomited on her.

She turns his head toward her and starts popping zits on his nose. And not quickly, either. She is savoring every second as that pus slithers its way out of those infected pores like icing out of a tube.  She goes from one to another, methodically, slowly, wiping each zit's extracted contents on her pants leg. Her eyes are as focused as a chimp's as it roots through its compatriot's hair looking for lice to chew on.

Finally satisfied that her work is done, she gazes into her boyfriend's eyes and blows him a kiss, releasing her grasp on his face.  

Horrified beyond words yet unable to look away, I stand there for a good while in stunned silence, Nina Simone's heavenly intonations drowned out by the inner screaming my brain is emitting. 

Now, what the fuck is wrong with people? Popping your partner's zits is definitely, ciento por ciento, something you should NOT do in public, especially on a crowded train. 

You want to engage in pus extraction? Fine. Do it on your own time, in your own apartment. I do not want to see people's home grown cottage cheese spraying forth from facial volcanoes while I'm trying to steel myself for a day of work.

What's as baffling to me is the fact that this gentleman had absolutely no problem with the fact that this stupid bitch was troweling around on his nose like a gardener hacking at weeds right there in the middle of the train.  

Wouldn't you recoil in horror if someone attempted to pop a zit on your face in the middle of a subway car? Wouldn't you scream out, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!?"

Yes, I believe you would. One more example of why we are doomed, that's what this is.