I don't know about you, but I have lots of stag parties. I invite lots of swingin' bachelors over, we watch nudist colony movies, play cards, smoke cigars, and drink lots and lots of cocktails.
And what better to keep those cocktails chilled than buxom Ice-Nudes?
For realz, I've never had a stag party, I don't care about tits, I don't smoke, and I certainly don't make cocktails. Somehow, though, these Ice-Nudes ended up in my possession.
Now, I've been given lots of things over the years.
Starting in 1988, people saw me as a dumping ground for their kitsch and antique castaways, so I received vintage clothing, furniture, lamps, vinyl LPs, magazines, 70s porn, pulp books, cookbooks, fabric swatches, toys, gadgets, contraptions, accessories, stuff, and shoes.
For the most part, I can tell you exactly who gave me what, and why. The ruby red knee-high ashtray with bangly baubles hanging from it? Cori Blanton gave it to me - it belonged to her grandmother. "Don't ever let my mom find out," she said as she handed it to me. The ancient statue of Mary and at least one of the several Extreme Unction kits I have came from my friend Sabrina. The bedazzled "Oriental Landscape" lamp came from my oldest friend John. The list continues forever.
But these Ice-Nudes remain a mystery to me. One morning I woke up and there they were, gunboats a-pointin' right at me. Shazam! I love them - they represent everything I stand for. Trashy, tacky, dumb, and campy.
For the most part, I can tell you exactly who gave me what, and why. The ruby red knee-high ashtray with bangly baubles hanging from it? Cori Blanton gave it to me - it belonged to her grandmother. "Don't ever let my mom find out," she said as she handed it to me. The ancient statue of Mary and at least one of the several Extreme Unction kits I have came from my friend Sabrina. The bedazzled "Oriental Landscape" lamp came from my oldest friend John. The list continues forever.
But these Ice-Nudes remain a mystery to me. One morning I woke up and there they were, gunboats a-pointin' right at me. Shazam! I love them - they represent everything I stand for. Trashy, tacky, dumb, and campy.
I'd say they're from the early 60s, though I'm no expert, and I'm sure they were available by mail order through magazines such as "Oriental Massage Prison Journal," "He-Man Monthly," "Women of Mystery," "Sunshine and Joy Nudist Revue," and so forth. For the bachelor set. (In other words, dumbasses who never developed past a second-grade sense of humor.)
Ice-Nudes brand ice cube trays consist of a top and a bottom. The qualified bachelor fills the bottom tray with water, snaps the top portion in place, taps the air bubbles out of the holes in the mold, and pops these bitches in the freezer to firm up.
Observe:
Ice-Nudes after they've been taken out of the freezer.
Ice-Nudes coming out of the tray. Look at those fun bags!
Ice-Nudes brand ice cube trays consist of a top and a bottom. The qualified bachelor fills the bottom tray with water, snaps the top portion in place, taps the air bubbles out of the holes in the mold, and pops these bitches in the freezer to firm up.
Observe:
Ice-Nudes after they've been taken out of the freezer.
Ice-Nudes coming out of the tray. Look at those fun bags!
And Presto!
Nude Beauties
a-bobbin' in a cool beverage.
It's pretty amazing,
the dumb shit humans think up.
Don't you agree?
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