Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Traffic Is Murder!

Treasure Island Fun Center - back when it actually WAS in Treasure Island - was THE hot spot destination for Pinellas County kids in the 70s and 80s. Sure, there was Aladdin's Castle and Piggy's Place - but those arcades were smaller and always overcrowded.

Treasure Island Fun Center had it all - pinball, pool, ski ball, weird and frightening clowns painted throughout the building, and - starting in the mid-70s - video games.

I remember the first video game I ever saw. The side panels of the cabinet had two Grim Reapers, looking particularly aggressive, driving dune buggies. The game's goal was simple - you're one of the Grim Reapers and you have to run over as many pedestrians as possible. When you hit a pedestrian, he/she immediately turns into a tombstone.

The one who kills the most people wins!

It was about as technologically advanced as Pong, the various characters barely discernible from one another - just a black and white mass of nothingness. Its premise, however, TERRIFIED me as a child. I guess I must have been six when it came out. I vowed to scour the planet until I could find out what the hell that game was.

I finally found it. The game was called Death Race, and was based loosely on the film Death Race 2000 starring David Carradine.

I guess I wasn't the only person who found the plot of the game to be a little gruesome - apparently a big stink was made about the game and it was pulled from most locations. I'm lucky that I got to play it before it was yanked from Treasure Island Fun Center, only to be replaced years later by the ever so much more wholesome House of the Dead.

The 1970s - the end of innocence. It's funny what sticks with you from your childhood, though.

I wish I could play that game just one more time... I'm sure by now I'd be bored with it after about three minutes.

Long Ago and Oh So Far Away

I just need to say it once again - I love Karen Carpenter.

Friday, September 26, 2008

If I may be nostalgic for a moment... (part I)

Dang, youtube has everything. Here in a nutshell is my childhood:

WTOG, long-since taken over by crappy UPN, was the local station in St. Pete when I was a kid. I learned all about horror movies, Ultraman and the Little Rascals due to this television station.

Zayre - next to the Kash N Karry and Galen Drugs - was our local discount department store, complete with the BEST gumball machines on the planet. I fiddled with the only remote control Sand Crawler I ever saw in this here toy department, and I was pissed when I didn't get it for christmas.

Dang, what this show did to me as a child. I watched it chaque matin avant que going to Admiral Farragut for my YMCA swimming lessons with Terri West.

I still have all of my Burger Chef Star Wars posters and glasses. I remember the punch-out C-3PO playset they had for their first "Star Wars meals" and I probably still have that somewhere, too. My parents - if it said "Star Wars" on it, they saved it. Because they're geeks just like me.

Farrell's. My brother worked here. I can't even begin to describe this place... from the Zoo sundaes to the candy counter on the way out, this place was just about the best dang thing in the entire universe. And then it closed and turned into a god damn Ruby Tuesday's. Assholes...

Dr. Paul Bearer hosted "Creature Feature" on WTOG every Saturday for as long as I can remember. I would sit there and watch Gamera beat the fuck out of Japan or Dracula sucking some hoe dry while gobbling Hershey's or some other crap food. If it weren't for Dr. Paul Bearer I would be a completely different person today. I don't know whether or not I should thank him for his contribution to my perversion, but whatever. He's dead and I can't change.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

All I can say is, "Wow."

This is the first time I have allowed myself to hear this inane cretin's voice. For realz, yo. I have avoided hearing her speak, I don't want to know her thoughts, opinions, missteps, idiocies. But I had to watch Katie Couric bust a BIG TIME move on this asshole. Oh. My. God. That's all I can say. This woman knows NOTHING. She knows absolutely NOTHING about her running mate, the government, the country.

And I wish all these people would take this "maverick" shit and, to borrow a phrase from Lil Chrissy, "fold it in four and shove it up." Maverick, my ass. He's just as clueless as this bitch.

Click here, read, and watch the video. A-may-zing.

Mary, please.

Ooh, Mr. Helperz John McCain wants to "suspend his campaign" to tend to the economic crisis. Mr. Hero. Who does this asshole think he's kidding?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Democrats - not just spineless, but stupid too!

We figured when the Democrats gained control of congress that things might - just might - take a turn for the better.

Instead, we saw a majority leader with the charisma of a retarded duck and a speaker of the house who refused without exception to hear any calls for President Simian's impeachment until very recently. "Impeachment is off the table," Ms. Pelosi said, despite the glaring fact that our president is in charge of a vast network of thieves, liars, hypocrites, idiots, marmosets, douchebags, and downright evil people.

Alas - the Democrats' victory two years ago was a hollow one. Nothing - that's what they've done. They posture, they whine, they act indignant toward the president's disgusting disregard for the law - and yet, he's still getting away with it. Chaque jour.

This election coming up - everyone thinks it's our last hope. "We MUST take back the White House," democrats cry. And I agree with them. It is imperative to our well-being not only as a country but as a PLANET to get these greedy, big business coddling dickfucks OUT OF OFFICE.

And yet, hope fades. Why? Because humans, Americans in particular, it would seem, are just fucking stupid. Observe:

WASHINGTON - Deep-seated racial misgivings could cost Barack Obama the White House if the election is close, according to an AP-Yahoo News poll that found one-third of white Democrats harbor negative views toward blacks — many calling them "lazy," "violent" or responsible for their own troubles.
Really? Are you people serious? Is this not the 21st Century?

Now, I'm no Rocket Scientist here, but that poll tells me something. Y'all aren't Democrats - y'all are racist assholes.

If you're actually considering - even briefly - voting for that geriatric war mongering bastard who can't even get his facts straight for prepared speeches even though he's been in official positions for God knows how long and his little thin-lipped, land-raping idiot sidekick - then you're not a Democrat. You're a Republican. Just switch your party alignment right now.

"Well, I'm a life-long Democrat, but I just really think blacks are lazy so I couldn't vote for Obama. I voted for McCain," you might say. This line of thinking stands directly opposed to what Democrats stand for and, in fact, what America stands for. I can tell you this much - Barack and Michelle Obama have worked harder and gotten farther with their lives than probably ANY of you asshole "Democrats" who are worried about having a "lazy" black president.

You people aren't Democrats. You people are morons.

Get out your hoods and robes and join the rest of the unthinking white supremacist jackasses who cling to their insipid ideas that "white people are better."

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What is it with these entitled asswipe parents?

Say you're in a restaurant and you see an Urban Outfitters-clad asswipe with that "Williamsburg art director" air of superiority about him and his wife who weighs about sixteen pounds both talking on separate iPhones. They're blocking the aisle with their designer stroller they use for the younger of their children, but where's the other one?

Where did the little imp go?

Why, he's running amok throughout the restaurant, making faces at people, climbing over booths, getting in the waitstaff's way, being an obnoxious poster child for Planned Parenthood. The disinterested parents couldn't care less that their offspring is running around being a dildo. From time to time, the mother will turn in its direction and say something like, "Honey, that's not nice," or "Say you're sorry to the nice lady for spilling coffee all over her pants," but then she'll go right back to ignoring the hyper toddler because she's too busy talking about the "really amazing" time she had at her yoga retreat. "He was so spiritual," you can hear her say.

What's with these assholes? Where did parenting skills go? They have these babies, spend up to a thousand dollars on their double-wide strollers, perambulate the neighborhood, blocking everywhere they go - but they don't discipline their children. Their children are more like accessories than an opportunity to further the human race. And these parents - they gather. They gather and they all talk about how smart THEIR children are. Or what THEIR children did at daycare. Or what THEIR children said the other night that makes them SO glad they became parents. They act as if their ability to squeeze a fucking larva out of their bodies has somehow made them better than everyone else.

Guess what, y'all - ALL animals fuck and have babies, and I can tell you this much - all other animals do it a hell of a lot less obnoxiously. Monkeys don't have to carry around ninety pounds worth of accessories just to walk down the street to meet a friend; dolphins don't bloviate to one another about their babies; skinks don't shop at specialty boutiques to find 'educational toys' (boring toys) for their intellectually superior children. No, they don't. Animals excrete their children, hang out with them till the little assholes can gather food on their own and then they move the fuck on.

Meanwhile, these obnoxious parents who litter the prepared foods section at Whole Foods and allow their brats to use would-be empty booths as jungle gyms - they're raising loathsome, spoiled beasts who are going to be INSUFFERABLE in twenty years.

You people - and you know who you are - PAY ATTENTION to what your children are doing. I don't want to have to shoo away your stupid baby as it peers at me over the back of a booth, smashing crackers all over the place while you just stare on and smile. I don't want to have to watch people swerving to miss your obnoxious babies as they play "tag" in the middle of a fucking grocery store while you and your friend talk about what an "amazing teacher Lilias is." I don't give two shits whether or not you find non-GMO soy protein - get your fucking child and your stroller OUT OF MY WAY. Grab your child and keep the little bastard in line.

Get some parenting skills.

Don't even get me started on the opposite end of the spectrum. I don't know which one is worse. Let's just say that yesterday after work I saw two very ample women pushing two strollers with about three other children UNDER FIVE scampering around them, and one said to the other, "I told that motherfucker she come by me one more time I'ma slap her motherfuckin face off..."

We are so screwed. Either way you look at it.


Picture it - my friend and coworker Lil Chrissy and I were just attempting to enter Le Pain Quotidien for a light lunch where, behold, a stupid bitch with a baby had her stroller placed DIRECTLY in front of the door, making it next to impossible to enter the establishment. Yes - she was, of course, talking on a cell phone. I looked right at her and snipped, "Nice place for your baby," to which her friend frantically responded, "OH MY GOD, DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID?" But you know what? Upsetting Twat 1 and Twat 2 was worth it. I am fed up with these people in this city blatantly disregarding that there are OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE and that they are NOT the center of the universe. I hope that stupid bitch thinks long and hard about my admonitions, though I doubt she will. She probably thinks she was "wronged" by a bitter, sarcastic fag. Still, being able to put my disdain for these people into action made my day and I am in a 250% better mood than I was when I woke up. Yelling at people - it works!

(Note - I know many people who have had babies recently who are doing JUST FINE at raising their children, so thankfully this is not a totally lost art.)

Saturday, September 13, 2008

You Got Me Hotter'n Georgia asphalt.

I scoured the earth looking for one of these bastards after seeing and becoming completely obsessed with Mr. David Lynch's travel and romance classic film, Wild At Heart. Lula plays with one in a bar in New Orleans. She can't stop talkin' 'bout that town!

In case you don't recall, this mermaid is rubber. There's a crank on the bottom - when you spin the crank, the mermaid does a seductive little dance. If you maneuver it just right, her bosoms smash against the plastic like "Catholic High School Girls In Trouble" from Kentucky Fried Movie.

Wild At Heart came out at a very special time in my life. Whenever I watch it, I'm transported back to North Carolina and the Blue Ridge Parkway, "Heaven or Las Vegas" by the Cocteau Twins, and smoking cigarettes with my friends Norn and Amelia while lounging around being fabulous.

I vowed I'd find one of these god damn mermaids.

And I FINALLY did, after typing "vintage mermaid" into eBay on an almost daily basis for about six years. When it popped up on the screen, I was at work - I shrieked like a six year old girl who was being chased by a boy holding a frog. I vowed I'd stop at nothing to win that auction, but luckily it didn't come to that - apparently, I'm the only person who cares. But now I have it, and I can reenact that Wild At Heart moment whenever I want to.

My dog barks some...

A Trip Down Fourth Avenue and Round the Bend.

I took a stroll down Fourth Avenue in Park Slope recently and took a few snapshots. Here you go.

This is the sort of shitty fucking building they're replacing trees
and buildings that weren't shitty or ugly with. Everywhere.

Shitty fucking building-to-be.

Purveyor of fine goods.

Trust them with your loved ones.

Just like what my first car, Mr. Shuttle, looked like.
Oh, how I miss Mr. Shuttle.

Appropriate for the neighborhood.

One can find beauty anywhere if one looks hard enough.

Why did you tell me to come this way, Grizelda? You know I hate nature!

This water will cause the skin to slide off your bones if you touch it.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Doomed - you're all DOOMED!

United Nations Climate Change Expert Rajenda Pachauri reiterated earlier this week that cutting red meat out of our diets is the most immediate way to curtail global warming:

Even having one meat-free day a week will help cut greenhouse-gas emissions and other environmental problems -- including habitat destruction -- associated with rearing cattle and other livestock, Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, told The Observer of London.
The scary thing is - people already knew this. It was reported when the U.N. Panel on Climate Change's report came out last year.

The scarier thing is - people haven't done anything about it. I know plen-T o' people who have said, "Oh yeah, I know it's important, but I really like hamburgers."


Let me tell you what - cutting hamburgers, steak, steak-ums, and any other variety of red meat out of your diet is NOT that huge a sacrifice. In the big scheme of things - that ain't shit. To NOT cut red meat out of your diet - or at least cut down on it - is just downright selfish.

Sure, there are people who actually get that global warming is serious and derail their entire existences by giving up almost EVERYTHING that could possibly contribute to global warming, feeling guilty about the plastic containers their seltzer comes in or the fact that they travel every now and then - but those people are few and very far between.

Then there are people who think global warming is a scam - braindead cretins who have been conditioned by the neocon oil bigwigs and mind control fundamentalist Christian cults (yes, that's right, I said CULTS) that global warming is either a "liberal ploy" (a ploy for what, exactly? Cleaner air? Trees? Excuse me, but if it IS a liberal ploy to get those things, then fine by me) or "God's Will" (ask Ann Coulter). They're stupid, and they deserve what's happening.

The rest of us don't. The rest of us - people with brains - have a responsibility to do what we can to curtail this horror we've wreaked on the planet. Like termites burrowing through and devastating houses, we've overrun the earth in all the wrong ways, and now every living being is in jeopardy.

Give up the fucking hamburgers already. I don't want to hear, "But I like red meat too much." That's asinine. Given some of the sacrifices we're going to have to make in the near future if we don't shape up, removing red meat from your diet is a piece of cake.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My Life As a Garbage Man Part VI - the Front Loader Years

Front loader in ACTION

I had been working as a garbage man for two years and had gotten the routine down. I loved it - the wind blowing through my hair as I clung to the back of that garbage truck while it zoomed way too fast down the main streets of Clearwater - I felt like a serious badass. My fluorescent orange and reflective green vest signified to people that I was kicking garbage's ASS.

Plus, I had gone from being a doughy pile of fat with man-breast and love handles to having thighs of steel and the ability to lift major appliances. Who could complain about such a transformation?

I was going out mostly on the "recycling run" - picking up huge hunks of metal, broken air conditioners, TVs, refrigerators, microwaves. When I wasn't being utilized on that thoroughly butch task, I was either with Al and Chico or Wheaty and Darnell on the regular trash run. I became very good friends with these garbage men.

Al, my "father figure" at the Sanitation Yard - took to calling me Benny B and always asked my dipshit supervisor to include me on his routes. When buttplug did NOT include me on Al's route, Al got incensed. "Why you gotta fuck wit Benny B?" he would yell. "He a good man!"

When I worked with Al, we would generally make "stops." We would go to his friends' houses, Circle Ks, wherever. We stopped at his house once and he asked me if I wanted a soda. "Sure," I replied. He went into his garage, came back with a generic grape soda - the crappy kind family members you don't like bring to picnics - handed it to me, and then said, "that's a dollar." I laughed, but then he told me he needed a dollar. He wasn't kidding.

After working with Al and Chico and Darnell and Wheaty, I was told I was being put on "special assignment." Apparently, one of the front-end loader workers was incarcerated and they needed a replacement. I groaned. I didn't think front-end loader work would be as fun - it seemed so bland.

Front-end loaders, for the uninitiated, are the trucks with those huge prongs that lower and pick up gigantic dumpsters. The route I would be working as a front-end loader assistant would be primarily business - restaurants, malls, hospitals, churches, and the like. We stopped at the occasional apartment complex, but they were sprinkled lightly throughout our industrial run.

The man I was assigned to was named "Mack." He was a squat white man who never, ever talked. EVER.

He drove a truck with a bumper sticker on it that said "I Love Fishin'."

Even then, when I clamored to gobble up as many formerly-living animals as humanly possible, I found fishing to be a loathsome sport - particularly the act of catching a fish, pulling it out of the water, ripping the hook from its mouth, and then throwing it back. Because, despite what DUMB FUCKS say - fish experience pain. It is a proven fact.

I was already starting off on the wrong foot with this joker. Fishing bums me out, and he loved it. He didn't smoke, and wouldn't let me smoke in the cab of the truck - issue #2. Although I abhor smoking with every fiber of my being now,, I was a voracious smoker back then, inhaling up to (and at times exceeding) two packs - yes, two - of Camel Filters (or Wides, which were trendy at the time) a day. His inability to support my habit made me grouchy and unpleasant, more so than usual, and I took to lighting one up at almost every single stop, sucking it down as if my life depended on getting that whole cigarette's smoky loveliness into my lungs in one breath. I got very good at it.

Mack did "favors" for some places in return for services or goods. He made arrangements with the managers to pick up their garbage on unscheduled days in return for stuff. Highly illegal - but who was I to complain? I got kickbacks too.

One of the stops he made a deal with was the McDonald's on Missouri Avenue. We would pull into that McDonald's and get whatever comestibles we wanted - generally quite a bit, from what I recall. He stocked the fuck up on that McDonald's trash and ate it all day long. McMuffins, hash browns, whatever. The bitch crammed that stuff DOWN.

My job consisted mostly of getting out of the truck at each stop, running out into the middle of the street and stopping oncoming traffic, waving him back and making sure he didn't run into any telephone poles, pedestrians, kittens, or puppies.

Many times, the dumpsters he needed to empty were placed in areas inaccessible to the truck, so I would have to drag them out into the street. Those fucking things are HEAVY, especially when they're full of trash, so my upper body got disproportionately strong. At least I was getting exercise.

As mentioned before, at the end of each route I had to get up inside the back of the truck and scrape the slime out. Now that we were dealing with restaurants, the slime became more intense and revolting - a viscous, shimmering form of oily compost that stank beyond one's comprehension and lingered on the skin for days. I got it in my hair, my eyes, my mouth. I came home every day encased in a shell of dried restaurant goo.

We were going along at a pretty regular routine, saying nothing to each other, listening to the oldies station in the cab of the truck, and whatnot when what I refer to as "The Chinese Restaurant Incident" occurred. It is a nightmarish event that haunts me to this day. I wake up screaming, in a cold sweat, and have to take deep breaths to calm myself down.

This particular Chinese restaurant had a reputation for the roaches that crawled freely throughout its kitchens and dining area. There were whispers that the chicken was anything but, and only the bravest or cheapest of souls dared cross its threshold in search of subgum fried rice.

Mack approached and lanced the dumpster expertly. Then he lifted the thing up into the air and turned it over, but he missed the truck's roof opening. Yes, he missed. The one time he ever made a mistake in the entire time I worked with him, and it had to be at this place.

An ocean of slime, "meat," eggs, rotten vegetables, and God knows what else came sliding down like a Rain of Despair out of the sky. I watched it, as if it were being shown in slow motion, shower the truck, the parking lot, the street, parked cars with a layer of yellowish and chunky liquid mixed with large hunks of animal carcass, celery stalks, egg shells, and other things that start to stink after sitting in 100 degree heat for days.

Mack got out of the truck. He didn't apologize. He didn't say anything. He got a shovel out of the storage area and handed it to me. Then he went back and sat down in the truck.

I approached the main Lake of Doom and looked at it. Where was I supposed to put this shit? It would be impossible to clear this crap out without a typhoon pouring inches of rain down onto the scene. But I lifted my shovel, readying it for the task.

Then I noticed that the Lake of Doom was moving.

I leaned in closer. Maggots. Maggots the size of my pinky - big, brown maggots. Hundreds of them. I used to think those little white ones were horrid until I saw these leviathans. I shuddered to think what type of fly would actually spring forth from these Hutt-like creatures.

I braved the maggots and started scraping gunk up and flinging it back into the dumpster. All was going well until I reached the more solid portion of the dumpster's contents. When I disturbed it, something happened.

Do y'all remember that scene in the first Creepshow, the one in which the germ-phobic rich guy runs around his apartment killing every single roach he finds, only to be overtaken and consumed by roaches?

I stuck my shovel into a mound of vegetables. It was as if I had tapped into a reservoir of oil. A sea of black sprayed out, but it was alive - and it was roaches. German cockroaches. Flying cockroaches. "Stinkbugs" - the grossest type of roach I can think of - they leapt out of that mound of trash and onto me as if I were their mothership.

I threw my shovel, flailed, shrieked like a six-year old girl. They were in my hair, up my pants legs, in my shirt. "Jesus FUCK, get them off of me!" I moaned. But Mack, he just sat there, looking on with that expressionless tub of a face.

After what seemed like hours, I managed to make the area appear clean, though a thick stench of decay lingered heavy in the air. I got in the truck and we continued on our way.

The Chinese Restaurant Incident was never mentioned again. The next day, we stopped at McDonald's and got our breakfast burritos and McMuffins like any other morning.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

What's the difference?

Can you tell? Is there one?

Oh, wait. Yes, I know what it is - the Emperor was smart.

(Thanks to Ethan for the heads-up on the similarities, at least superficially, between these two people/planet-subjugating dictators)

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me...

So, Australian cult favorite program 'Kath & Kim', which has had me as an enthusiast ever since my friend Norn introduced me to it, is coming to America.

The American version will star Molly Shannon and Selma Blair (who has enthralled me ever since her role in Cruel Intentions) - both of whom I enjoy very much.

Do we think they'll be able to pull it off, or will it be a watered-down, dreadful experience? I for one am hoping that America will get something right for a change, but American television seems not to like taking risks. This is why Roseanne's 'Absolutely Fabulous' never got off the ground here (I think we can all be thankful for that).

What do y'all think - have any of you seen the original 'Kath & Kim"? Do you think Molly and Selma are up to the task?

Friday, September 5, 2008

When Facebook Goes Wrong.

This is taken from a friend's "status update" on Facebook:

Owner of the Status Update doesn't get why the Republicans cheered when Romney bashed unions and cheered again when Palin introduced her husband as a lifelong union member. WTF?8:21pm

Me at 8:25pm September 4
They do not possess opposable thumbs.

Some Kid 1 at 9:13pm September 4
Maybe for the same reason Sarah Palin can claim she was against the Bridge to Nowhere when she actually campaigned on maintaining it. They have absolutely no scruples.

Conservative Jackass at 10:20pm September 4
What I don't understand is why every single liberal democrat that has anything to say continues to ignore all of the horrible things that are being said about Sarah Palin and Senator McCain. How they can continue to deny that every story obama is weaving is beginning to crack and be proven to be nothing but a bunch of glitz and glamour. How can anyone who is capable of thinking for themselves and not just spitting out democratic rhetoric is voting for McCain. I would like, just for once, for a liberal to answer a question with an answer instead of another justification for their unyielding venom and hate that is spewed towards the Republican party. Notice how NONE of the protestors at the DNC destroyed the city of Denver, but video clip after clip shows the protestors of the GOP wreaking havoc on the city of ST Paul. It just goes to show the caliber of the liberal left versus the conservative right.

Some Kid 1 at 10:26pm September 4
Lady, you're kidding, right? You mean Obama the muslim? Obama the terrorist sympathizer? Barack Hussein Obama? That's what your conservative friends are up to. Palin is getting a free ride.

Me at 10:27pm September 4
Sarah Palin wants to have polar bears removed from the endangered species list so she can pummel untainted land for oil. That's enough for me. Oh, plus she refuses the science that proves global warming is man-made, wants to refuse gay people spousal benefits, wants to deny women the right to choose whether or not they can have abortions, is pro-aerial hunting of wolves and bears... I could go on and on, but I think I've made myself clear. She stands 100% opposed to everything I stand for.

Sweet Pea in SF at 11:43pm September 4
Marry me, Marky Mae Brown. Or marry Aloysius. Either way is fine by me.

Conservative Jackass at 11:46pm September 4
First of all, in case you didn't know, obama was raised a muslim, so I don't see the point in arguing that. As far as removing polar bears...really? That's just asinine. She knows what Alaska holds for our country trying to become independent from foreign oil. Theres nothing wrong with that. Gay couples, people who choose to live that lifestyle...and YES it IS a choice, don't need special benefits anymore that child molesters need to be given clemecy because they were abused...you make a choice you live with it. Being a woman I have the right to CHOOSE not to spread my legs for anything that walks the earth. If your not ready for the results or products of your behavior, don't do it. Oh an by the way, when was the last time anyone asked Biden, a single father, how he managed to be a good parent while he was in the senate? Why is no one asking obama if he is going to be able to raise his little girls when he is going to be in the office? An easy ride...strange definition of easy.

Sweet Pea in SF at 11:50pm September 4
What's asinine is continuing to believe that Barack Obama was raised as a Muslim, when he absolutely was not. Saying so over and over doesn't make it true.

Conservative Jackass at 11:56pm September 4
You obviously don't know your candidate as well as you wish you did. You should do some research before you start talking about things you don't understand.

Sweet Pea in SF at 12:02am September 5
"You should do some research before you start talking about things you don't understand." Oh girl, you're killing me. Get over yourself. Try reading something that wasn't published by Focus on the Family. Try thinking.

Conservative With a Brainat 12:05am September 5
Holy crap, Owner of the Status Update. A battle of the polar opposite (names withheld!)! This could only happen on your Facebook. ;)

Owner of the Status Update at 12:09am September 5
Oh for fuck's sake. Do I go piss all over your Facebook comments when you say something I disagree with? Jesus. I can't even figure out what the hell you're asking because you do not appear to be using English.

You're not going to convince me or anyone else to agree with you and you know it, so why are you trying to bait me? It's pure ass-hattery and you know it. Go troll DailyKos if you want to pick a fight. They love that shit over there.

Conservative Jackass at 12:10am September 5
Thats funny because the only things I ever hear coming out of liberal's mouths are words and phrases that are dictated by the democratic campaign. None of you think for yourselves, if you did you would be able to see past the flashy magic tricks that obama is using to dupe his followers into believing he is going to do anything. Just for your info, not that its something you need to know, I don't read focus on the family. I develop my thoughts and ideas from watching and observing, not from listening to the brainwashing rhetoric from the democratic campaign. But you're obviously not willing to create your own ideas from what you observe, you just think whatever they tell you to think...that's sad.

Owner of the Status Update at 12:13am September 5

Conservative Jackass at 12:17am September 5
Hey, I was just having fun, trying to have an intelligent debate...sorry if you got offended. A lot of the anti war protestors that trashed minnesota are saying that we should have open dialogue with the enemy until we reach a conclusion or an agreement, yet they choose to act violently themselves. The point is that it just seems really hard for liberals to be open to the other side of the coin. Just out of curiosity, I thought you had started going back to church. What church and what BIble are you reading that substantiates anything you are "against" or "for" in this campaign. I don't know what happened to you, but I still care for you. I hope JESUS shows you the truth about whats really going on before it's too late.

Sweet Pea in SF at 12:30am September 5
If you are truly interested in having an intelligent debate, you might want to avoid statements like "none of you think for yourselves." That doesn't leave a lot of room for discussion, does it?

Conservative With a Brain at 12:40am September 5
Conservative Jackass: I have to tell you, I had a whole nasty response to what you just said about "Jesus showing people the truth before it is too late", but something held me back from that. I can't say what it was, maybe it is the fact that I am also a Christian. However, I hope you understand that what you have just stated is extremely condescending and rude. In a sense, I hope Christ shows you the truth about how to deal with others in a loving manner, but I realize I need the same help and I'm in no place to judge you.
Here is the thing about politics. I'm a conservative, and probably more so than McCain or Bush. Being a conservative is exactly why I do not support the actions this administration has taken in the last 8 years. Spreading ourselves thin all over the world under the guise of bringing "freedom" to people (or was it WMDs?) is in no manner conservative. Now, we can debate this and many other topics all night, and in the end we will have to agree to disagree (cont)

Conservative With a Brain at 12:49am September 5
(cont from above)
However, what we are not going to be able to do is to prove to one another whose position Christ would approve of the most. I think the actions of the Bush administration, and what I perceive McCain might do in regard to foreign policy are very anti-Christian and non-conservative in many respects (not to equate conservatism with Christianity). However, I am not going to go around telling my Bush supporting friends that I hope Christ opens their eyes. I know my own limits. I know how imperfect I am.

I also know that any human government is going to fall so far short of the perfection of God that I don't tend to bring Him into it when it comes to political debates. He'll show us the right way someday. For now, all we can do is try to treat each other with respect, and without the arrogance of assuming that we have a direct line into God's mind in regard to our pet political beliefs.

Owner of Status Update at 4:34am September 5
This flamewar needs more macros. Facebook, get on that shit!

Sweet fancy Moses on a pogo stick. Conservative Jackass, I refuse to "debate" your Roveian talking points (which are perversely hilarious given what you are accusing me of doing with regard to the Democratic platform) or justify my political and religious beliefs to you for the same reason I don't talk to my father about those things: Nobody is going to convince anybody of anything and it's just going to end with bitterness and hurt feelings on both sides. Please do me the courtesy of ignoring me and I'll return the favor.

Me at 6:43am September 5
Lady - I'm gay. It is NOT a choice. NO, it is not. Do you think anyone would consciously CHOOSE a lifestyle where we'd have to put up with shit like this all the time? If you do, then you're insane.

Me at 6:50am September 5
Oh - and how DARE you compare me to a child molester? You say liberals don't think for themselves, but that inane comment - which has dribbled out of every hate monger's lips for the past several years - proves that YOU don't think for yourself. I have done far less harm to other people in my "choice" of living than George W. Bush - heterosexual, "Christian" conservative - has done by upholding strong "family values."

And one final note - who cares whether or not Barack Obama was raised Muslim. I do hate to point this out for the 923rd time, but the United States is NOT a Christian nation - and we are NOT at war with Islam - we are at war with terrorists. There are Christian terrorist groups as well. Like Operation Rescue.
Obviously, I have stripped out names and such, but it is CLEAR to me that Conservative Jackass was spouting out doctrine despite her statement that she "forms her own ideas."

Gays compared with child molesters? Straight out of Focus on the Family's literature. I mean, for fuck's sake.

I would have been more involved in this, but most of the nastiness took place on West Coast and Mountain time, while I was trundling away in dreamland. We'll see if Conservative Jackass responds to my final complaints in regards to her "gaiety is a choice" idiocy. That argument always boggles my mind. "I CHOSE to be gay because I love the universal persecution! Oh, and the cock!"

All of this blather enrages me because it's the shit being pumped out of conservatives' mouths all over the country at this point. They bend truths as readily as Superman bends steel, they do, and they're getting away with it. We must fight it.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Geraldine Ferraro Has Broken My Heart.

I remember when Geraldine Ferraro and Walter Mondale were running. I was in ninth grade. I cannot explain to you the feeling of pride and happiness I got when I listened to and watched Geraldine Ferraro making history in that election. No, she didn't win - but she had been nominated. The first woman ever to be nominated for the Vice-Presidency of the United State of America - no small feat.

I remember a stupid bitch in my ceramics class - Mrs. Turner's class (yes, THAT Mrs. Turner - the one who accused me of making a "smoke stack" (bong) when in fact I was the only one NOT making a bong) - saying, "I don't think America is ready for a woman leader." Let me tell you what. I wanted to slap that cunt's teeth out. What a stupid thing to say - and coming from a WOMAN.

When Geraldine Ferraro lost, I was very sad. Not only because we were now faced with yet another idiot Republican presidency, but because I truly respected her.

And now she pulls this GAYWAD bullshit.

Geraldine Ferraro, the only woman to run on a major party presidential ticket and a supporter of Hillary Clinton, has accused Barack Obama of conducting a “terribly sexist” campaign. Miss Ferraro, the losing Democratic candidate for vice-president in 1984, said that she might abandon her lifelong party loyalties and vote for the Republican John McCain if Mr Obama is confirmed as the nominee.
Geraldine Ferraro - you can KISS MY ASS.

Please prepare for me a PowerPoint presentation showing exactly how Barack Obama's campaign was "sexist." What's that? You can't? That's what I thought.

"Oh, but boo-hoo, he didn't pick Hillary as his running mate," you and your dreary, pinhead cohorts cry.

Maybe that's because she spent the entire primary insulting him. Would YOU want to choose someone who had done everything in her power to make you look inexperienced and a poor choice as President? I don't think you would.

Geraldine Ferraro, you were asked to step down from the Clinton campaign for making racially insensitive and downright stupid remarks. Remember?

If you vote for John McCain, you're not only slapping yourself in the face - you're slapping Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and every woman in the country in the face.

You people - all of you - need to get your shit together. This was NOT about sexism. It was about choices. McCain choosing that droolcup moron from Alaska - THAT'S sexism.

Why? Because he knew how to play on your emotions. And if you can't see through his choosing someone who has been in office for two years running one of the least-populated states in the country as a play to woo your dumb asses over, then I guess you deserve what you're going to get.

News Flash!

ST. PAUL, Minnesota (CNN) -- Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, is pregnant and will keep the baby and marry the baby's father, the Republican vice presidential candidate said Monday.

John McCain was aware of Bristol Palin's pregnancy before he chose her mother for his running mate, a top adviser to the Republican presidential candidate said.

Read the rest here.

PUMA - Think about this for a minute. You people are bumming me out.

Observe some of the reactions of PUMAs upon learning that Sarah Palin is Gopher Face's running mate:


Says Vanity4Hillary: "yay. McCain need to put her on his myspace main pic than they will go in my top friends."

Says joeysky18: "Hoo Ray! Fu*k the DNC. Fu*k Obama. They are so fu*k up. They brushed off the women base like dirt. and the GOP pick them up. Go McCain. Go GO OG !"

Damn right there's more:

Says Bella: "OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Buuuuurn Obama Buuuurn! What a slap in the face. If it's Palin, I will put blood and sweat into campaigning for that team."

MaryinOregon strikes a particularly ominous note: "Do you all hear the sound of the running feet of all the women the Obama camp tossed aside? It is THUNDEROUS!!!!"

FloridaDawn provides some trenchant analysis of Palin's relevant experience: "McCain has picked PALIN!!! I am THRILLED! AS for the Dums whining that she doens't have experience running things—SHE HAS FIVE KIDS!! TRUST ME! SHE KNOWS HOW TO RUN THINGS!"

And user Gumshew trusts that, somewhere, her pantsuited queen of hearts is smiling: "What I really like about this choice is that Palins' IDEALS are so much like Hillarys'. And, I would gesture to say HILLARY is very proud at this moment."
To the people of Party Unity, My Ass who are so vocally pleased by John McCain's choice of running mate in Sarah Palin -

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS? Do you think that by exacting "revenge" against perceived slights by the democratic party and voting for John McCain you're going to be doing yourselves any favors? Your emotional reaction to this whole debacle is going to cost us thousands of votes and lead to four more years of a) War, b) Environmental mayhem, c) hell on earth.

This is not about getting revenge for Hillary. This is about the FATE OF THE WORLD. This next administration is going to have to undo all of the idiocy George W. Bush and his money-grubbing, evil toadies have wrought on the Earth, environmentally, diplomatically and fiscally.

Think with your brains, not your emotions. I am begging you. This is too important to act snotty about.

Sarah Palin is a woman, yes. But read her positions on the issues. She does not believe in global warming. I doubt very highly that she's even read or looked at a copy of the United Nation's definitive report from two years ago that laid out in no uncertain terms that global warming exists and is at least partially caused by man. She is anti-abortion. She is pro-creationism in schools. She wants to drill for oil on every available spot of land in the country, displacing polar bears, caribou, and any other animal that gets in her way. She does not care about the environment. She does NOT CARE.

She is a Jesus Freak. She's anti-gay rights.

Is this what you really want? Will you feel "good" about yourselves when, after election day is over and you've finally gotten your dream of a woman vice-president, she immediately goes to work to overthrow Roe Vs. Wade? How proud of your struggle will you be then?

She's a woman, yes. But so is Phyllis Schlafly. Please. Use your brains. An anti-woman woman in the white house is worse than no woman in the white house. Listen to Geraldine Ferraro's words of wisdom:
"I have always said that I wish I would have never been the only woman, until now," she said.